Motherhood: responsibility, right, or privilege?

As a newlywed, there were many fears and concerns associated with motherhood. The responsibility for another human being's life, the time commitment, the financial burden, the permanent lifestyle changes, the safety of our future children, and so many other things. But the sacred teachings of the proclamation to the family brought an awareness of motherhood as a sacred responsibility and motivated the start of a journey towards parenthood.

Initially there was excitement that there may be a life destined to come to our family, possibly already developing without our full awareness.

After a year of  monthly disappointments there was concern mixed with fear that infertility may be a reality in our life.

After two years there was frustration mixed with fear that we would not find the reason why we could not get pregnant. On a student's budget we found ourselves completely constrained by a health care system that does not consider infertility a real health problem.


After three years there was anger mixed with fear. Why are so many able to have a child even when they don't want one? I started to ask why we were not allowed to keep a commandment, which marked the beginning of a trying period of my faith.

After four years there was hopelessness mixed with fear that the suffering caused by the wanting of a child would never end. The reality in the world we like in is that motherhood is a right only for those who are fertile, and that was a difficult reality for me to face. We had tried some aggressive treatments and adoption, only to have the treatments fail and a birth mother change her mind.

After five years there was a sad resignation in my heart. the incessant emotional demand of infertility was excruciating, so I started to try to plan my life for the possibility we would have to live without children in our home. I had realized that motherhood is a privilege I may not have. I focused on developing an eternal perspective and on accepting that the Lord's plan for me was different that what I wanted for myself, even if what I wanted was good and righteous.

And after six years of infertility our most wanted miracles arrived: triplets!

Infertility affects and changes everything. Getting pregnant was painful, not pleasurable. I have children, but I am still infertile. I am an older mother than I thought I would be. i will have fewer children that I wanted. The financial cost of getting pregnant could have paid for one of our children's college education. And the painful feelings of infertility never really go away. Still, infertility has made motherhood the most fulfilling and happy of all experiences. I value each moment with my children and in the most difficult moments I remember that motherhood is a blessing and my heart is filled with gratitude. 

written by: Adriane Cavallini
 *Would anyone be interested in a support group or lecture series on this topic?* ADSENSE HERE