I've recently been thinking about something called White Knight Syndrome.
"White knights are men and women who enter into romantic relationships with damaged and vulnerable partners, hoping that love will transform their partner's behavior or life. Though most white knights feel that they are selfless and sacrificing, their rescuing behavior is often misguided. Problems arise when white knights care for their partners at the expense of their own needs, encounter destructive behavior, or try to control their partners."
One of the biggest problems with White Knights in LDS culture is that they justify their actions as attempts to be Christ-like. White Knights may even read scripture they think validates their efforts…
For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it.
This scripture might justify the White Knight’s behavior if you failed to notice an important phrase...
For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it.
The motivations of the White Knight are at the heart of the matter. A White Knight tries to “save” another as a way to receive validation or to hide from feelings of inadequacy. Both of these are selfish motives and not at all for Christ’s sake.
The first thing that White Knights must realize for themselves and for the person they are trying to rescue is that Christ is the only one who can rescue and fix problems.
We must give our lives and selfish motives over to Christ. Only then can the White Knight begin healing with Christ as the physician instead of trying to use a bad relationship to solve or hide her problems.
Once the White Knight comes to Christ, she will realize that the only way to help her friend is by pointing him or her to Christ. She will come to respect her friend's agency as Christ would. And by coming unto Christ, she can come to see from His perspective the love and kindness her friend really needs.
Click here if you'd like to read more about White Knight Syndrome on a blog series from Psychology Today.
-Genevieve