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My sophomore year of high school, I was stressed about AP world history and how to talk to boys. One day, while brushing my hair after a shower, my hand brushed against the very top of my breast and I felt that it was rather hard. I was never told to perform self-exams for breast cancer and I was never taught that girls my age could have breast problems. That is why I consider this discovery a miracle.
After the visit to an OBGYN from our ward, we were told to see a cardiologist in our local hospital. We were told that it was not a big deal, but the lump in my breast needed to be double-checked.
At our visit with the cardiologist, he looked at me and said, “Well, are you busy this weekend?”
“Um . . . I have a Valentine’s Day dance on Saturday and we don’t have school on Monday because it is President’s day,” I replied.
“Perfect! How ‘bout surgery on Monday? I think we need to get that lump out of you.”
As my mom and I drove back to the high school for class, I cried. And she cried. Of course she was worried about my health and safety, but I was worried about the knife. I didn’t want my skin to be cut! I did not want to get an IV. I did not want to be in pain and I did not want to have surgery. But I was promised that everything would be okay and the doctor made it sound simple. So all I could do was trust.
That weekend I had my first breast surgery. Everything went smoothly and I woke up in a hospital bed with a nurse by my side. She and the surgeon asked me if I wanted to hold the tumor. I nodded my head and they put a glove on my hand then laid the tumor in it.
It was the size of a golf ball. It was white and it looked like a little brain with creases in it. I was fascinated and probably a little foggy with anesthetic.
The Lord blessed me with two snow days after the day of my surgery and I was able to watch movies and rest.
I will never forget the image of my breast during my recovery. For three months, the area from my collarbone down to my waist on my left side was black as night. With my skin already so fair, the contrast was stark. Eventually, the black became a purple and the purple became a yellow and the yellow healed to my normal skin color.
The experience was new and traumatic for my fifteen-year-old body, but I made it through and the tumor was benign and out. Everything was solved.
It wasn’t until the last semester of my senior year in high school when I discovered another tumor.
As I lay on the bed in the ultrasound room, the tech examined the lump I felt. Then, to do a thorough exam, she had to move around the entire breast. As she moved the sensor, another dark, circular image appeared on the screen.
This couldn’t be happening. How do I have another one?
But unfortunately, this one was followed by six more. I looked at my mom and tears filled my eyes. How could this be happening? How did I not know?
I was numb and couldn’t speak. I was in shock.
I went through classes not being able to focus on anything but fear and shock. I was overwhelmed with anxiety. I couldn’t pay attention in calculus and my grades suffered.
I had an MRI to get an accurate image of everything in my breast and a few days later, my doctor/surgeon called my mom and gave her the results.
Nineteen tumors. Ten in the left and nine on the right.
It was in this moment that I realized something would be wrong forever. I thought of all the possibilities and worst-case scenarios. Even though I didn’t have it, the word “cancer” would not leave my mind and I wondered how I was going to live my life the way I wanted to. I couldn’t do well in school, I wouldn’t go to college, I wouldn’t be married, and I wouldn’t have children. I imagined living in a hospital with doctors and nurses. I was so scared.
I went to California for a doctor’s appointment with a breast specialist. I visited my doctor/surgeon consistently as we tried to figure out what I had and what could be done about it. I missed so much school, and when I was there, I wasn’t mentally there anyway.
We found out that my case was similar to only one other girl in the country (having multiple phyllodes tumors in the breasts as a teenager).
I hated hearing the doctors say, “Honestly, I don’t know what to do.”
I have had three tumors surgically removed now, and someday I will go through a simple mastectomy so that I will not have to live with the risk of having major operations or getting cancer. I will not be able to nurse my babies and I will have surgical implants, but this is my decision. And thank goodness I have agency and parents who support my agency.
My message is to women of all ages and especially to young women. Most of you will not get breast cancer or any kind of breast health issues, but learn how to check yourself. Learn how to perform self-breast exams. My case is rare at my age, but it happened.
Mothers, teach your daughters about breast health. Be supportive when your daughter is worried about something in her health.
More importantly though, what I learned from my experience is to never let a day go by without thanking the people you love. Never spare a moment to say how you feel about them. Never let a day go by without being grateful for your body. Never forget to thank your Father in Heaven for giving you life, feelings, your body, your spirit, and your loved ones.
I have learned who truly loves me. I know now who will stick with me through thick and thin. Who will listen to me when I worry about my future. Who will understand my fears. Who will love me based on who I am inside, no matter what flaws my body has and no matter how many tumors I have. Those people know now how much I love them because I tell them whenever I get the chance. And now I strive to be that person for others.
Be supportive friends. Love whoever is in your reach and show them.