"Hi, my name is Carly and I'm a feminist."
Like I mentioned in my previous post, LaNae and I spoke on a feminism panel this week and the students in the class submitted a bunch of questions. I was so excited as I read through them, that I started typing up my thoughts, but we didn't get anywhere near answering them all, so I thought I would choose a few of my favorites to share here. They came up with good questions that clarify what feminism is and some really thought-provoking questions that I hadn't considered before.
I think feminism gets a bad rap and I think it's because we have a stereotype of feminism in the popular culture that paints feminists as no-leg-shaving, bra-burning, man-haters. Perhaps there is an extreme subset of feminists that fit this caricature, but most of us are normal women just like you. Once I've used the following questions to clarify what I believe about feminism, maybe you'll discover that you're a feminist, too! My disclaimer, however, is that I certainly don't speak for all feminists; these are just my humble thoughts and opinions on the matter. Some feminists will agree with me and others may disagree. But such is life!
What is feminism to you?
For me, feminism means that both men and women are allowed to do what they want/love without being held back by strict gender stereotypes. Additionally, because women have typically been in a lower power position in society, feminism is about empowering women instead of shaming them, creating support and connection between women instead of fostering judgment and jealousy, and offering encouragement and opportunities for women to reach their goals regardless of what those goals are.
In my experience, most feminists are not trying for equality between the sexes but are trying to put women in the position of power. How do you feel about this statement, and do you think it is correct or incorrect?
I think it’s a common misconception. Just like in any group, there are extremists and, unfortunately, those extremists often have the loudest voices, giving the appearance that they are the majority. In my experience working with WSR, working as a therapist, and simply just interacting with women in general, most of us are feminists in some way, but more demure feminists. Heck, I've even met some male feminists along the way as well! I don’t believe that you either are a feminist or you aren't a feminist; there is a spectrum with space in between and everyone falls somewhere on the spectrum, some further to the left than others.
Do you see any value at all in “gender roles” for men and women?
I do. I believe that having roles is an essential part of developing a sense of self and feeling like you have a place in the world. Your gender is a significant part of your identity, so having roles that allow you to act out that part of your identity are beneficial. It is when gender roles become too rigid or restrictive that problems arise. If we are forced to remain in one role and only one role, we feel stifled and stuck.
What is your opinion of the portrayal of women in the media? Who do you think is the best example of a well written strong female character in TV and movies you've seen in the last few years?
I think, for the most part, that it’s demoralizing and despicable. The sexualization and objectification of women in the contemporary media is incredibly harmful to men and women alike. Seldom do we see a positive portrayal of womanhood without at least some objectification. It took some thinking, but I came up with a well-written, strong female character in the media whom I adore: Hermione Granger from the Harry Potter series. I love that she uses her intelligence, her compassion, and her loyalty to make a difference in her world. At no point is she painted as using sexuality to get her way, the men around her see her as an equal (sometimes as their better), and she is in no way dependent on men in her life to "save her." In the social media, she is often compared to a notoriously anti-feminist character, Bella Swan from Twilight. While Bella literally falls apart when her love leaves her, Hermione stays strong and continues to do what she knows is right. Does she mourn him at times? Absolutely. But she forges on courageously.
From a feminist point of view, do you feel that women in the LDS church are oppressed or in any way marginalized?
Oppressed, no. Marginalized, yes, to an extent. I feel like the voices and influence of women in the church can get lost in the shuffle. I think the organization of the church can be utilized in ways that take advantage of the powerful influence of the women of the church. A good example that recently set people all atwitter was women offering prayers during this past General Conference. It is vital to differentiate here the difference between the doctrine and the culture. From a doctrinal standpoint, women are highly valued and revered, but the culture oftentimes undervalues and dis-empowers women. For the most part, it is a very traditionally patriarchal culture, so we have to be very deliberate in not letting sacred gender roles become unrighteous dominion.
How does feminism support or diminish the teachings of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints?
I believe that true feminism supports the teachings of the church because it encourages equality and empowers women. How better to create a strong generation of Latter Day Saints than to enrich the lives of the women who are raising, nurturing, and teaching that generation? Along the lines of equality, for those of you who are endowed, you’ll see that equality between man and woman, husband and wife, is perfectly in line with the sacred teachings of the temple.
In your opinion, what is the best way to implement your feminist ideas into the society?
I may not be able to change the world, but I can change things in my own realm of influence. I have the ability to reach people as a therapist, as a teacher, a friend, a sister, a daughter, as a wife, a mother, and a church member. I know that if I can reach those people that they will be able to reach those that they come in contact with. It creates a ripple effect.
As Latter-day Saints, we have some gender specific roles outlined in the “Family: A Proclamation to the World.” How do you think the Latter-day Saint culture shapes your beliefs on feminism?
I think my beliefs afford me a more well-rounded view of gender. Because we believe that our gender is an inherent part of who we are, that it is an essential characteristic of our eternal identity, I’m able to rejoice in my roles as a woman while still allowing myself opportunities to expand and enrich those roles with the addition of other roles. It sometimes keeps me from spinning off into space when I get passionate certain feminist issues. In other words, it grounds my perspective as a feminist.
As social scientists, we are interested in the inner workings of families. How has your identity as a feminist influenced your family life?
I've been a feminist my whole life, but it has definitely solidified during my graduate studies. I met my husband as a “full-blown” feminist, so it absolutely affected my choice in my spouse. I married a man who respects my opinion, seeks my advice, honors my womanhood, supports my educational goals, and believes in having an egalitarian marriage. We share roles in and out of the home and have found a way to have a true partnership without rigid gender expectations. I firmly, truly believe that my identity as a feminist makes me a better wife and a better mother. The confidence and strength that I get from feminism is absolutely beneficial to my husband and son.
With the major changes that have been made in our culture regarding the role of women, why do you think it is still important to advocate women’s rights when, in many ways, they have become equal to males? Do you think that without feminists, women’s rights would go back to what they once were?
I think every cause needs a champion, so I think feminism will always have a place in our culture. There have been some big shifts for women’s rights, but I heartily disagree that women have become equal to males in many ways. Women may be able to do the some of the same things that men are able to do, but our culture hasn't changed its attitude about women doing those things. For example, I have the opportunity to get an advanced degree, but I can’t count how many times people have disparaged me for “delaying marriage,” “delaying having children,” telling me that I’m wasting my time getting advanced degrees because I’ll just end up being a stay-at-home-mom anyway, or that I’m stealing a spot in my program from a man who will actually use the degree. Women still make less than men for the same jobs, are treated differently in the workplace, and are viewed as less than men in many ways. I think that is the role that feminism plays now, to help alter attitudes and the way our culture views women.
It seems to me that feminism is becoming more about equalizing the genders both in importance and characteristics instead of embracing the different traits that each gender has. How can I be a feminist without feeling like I have to abandon my feminine nature to adopt more masculine qualities, which feminists seem to regard as a necessity in order to succeed in life?
I believe that feminism is about equalizing genders in importance and opportunity, but not necessarily in characteristics. A woman does not have to abandon her inherent femininity to be a feminist. But we have to keep in mind that femininity may feel different from one woman to the next. For example, I feel like my confidence and intelligence are a part of my feminine identity, but those two characteristics are usually classified as “masculine” characteristics. From another perspective, I believe that a man can be very tender-hearted and emotionally attuned without it taking away from his masculinity. Extremists tell women that they basically need to become men to be equal, but isn't that counter-intuitive to what feminism is truly trying to accomplish? Aren't we trying to say that women, including their inherent femininity, are just as important and equally valued as men and their inherent masculinity? Why do we devalue more inherently female characteristics in favor of more inherently masculine ones? Look at it this way, my left hand is different from my right hand, but it is equally important to me. Should I cut off my left hand and reattach a second right hand so they are both "equal?" Of course not, the inherent differences between my right and left hands allow them to complement one another and work together for the good of my whole self.
How do your feminist views influence your home life? (Ex. Roles within the home)
My husband probably wouldn't claim the title, but he’s a feminist in his own right. Essentially, we believe in equality and cooperation. We both do dishes, we both clean the bathroom, we both work, we both change diapers and feed the baby, we both play with our son, etc. There isn't one thing in our home that one person does that the other doesn't do as well. I may cook more often than he does, but it’s not because I’m the woman, it’s because I love to cook. He may take out the garbage more often, but it’s not because he’s the man; it’s because he parks closer to the dumpster than I do.
What is the ideal woman in terms of feminism?
I think, from a true feminist perspective, there is no such thing as the ideal woman because each woman would have the ability to make whatever choices were right for her. So each “ideal” woman would look completely different from the next.
How does feminism affect your relationships with the males?
I had to ask my husband this question because I wasn't sure if my feminism does affect the way I interact with the men in my life. He laughed, said that he can't really tell a difference, then said that I'm probably more confident and speak my mind more to men than another woman might. I would tend to agree. I think being a feminist makes me more aware of the power imbalances that exist in my relationships with men, so I am deliberate about speaking my mind, even if that little anti-feminist cultural voice in my head says it's not my place or my opinion isn't important. I certainly don't hate men or feel like they are out to get me. I think most men are simply unaware of the inherent power differential between men and women, so they exercise their power without thinking about it.