True or False. Women just don't have the strong sex drives that men do.
True or False. Women have cleaner thoughts and emotions than men do.
True or False. Women can control themselves better than men can.
True or False. Women simply don't have a problem with pornography (or other sex-related addictions).
Answer key: ALL OF THE ABOVE STATEMENTS ARE FALSE.
Yet I grew up believing statements like that, and I'm sure I'm not alone. Society in general, as well as the culture of the LDS Church (not the actual teachings of the Gospel) often ignores or discredits women as sexual beings. And because we don't really address this aspect of womanhood, many people have distorted views of it.
In recent years I've had a bit of a paradigm shift when it comes to sexuality. I've had the opportunity to discuss the issue with friends, family, and Church leaders, and I've learned a lot that never really occurred to me before.
For one thing, while sex is certainly sacred and significant in God's plan for us, He never meant for us to treat it with shame or fear. We should approach the subject maturely and respectfully, but we should not tiptoe around it. Doing so enforces the false notion that sex is a sin. Rather, it's an integral part of healthy marriage relationships. Sex is a means of pleasure and of procreation. It's a way for a couple to strengthen their bond and to express love for each other. Why should we feel shame for this gift from Heavenly Father?
Also, it's totally natural—healthy, even—for young people to have a strong sex drive. That goes for men AND women. We were created this way, plain and simple. Feeling sexual urges or desires is not disgusting, wrong, or weird. In fact, nearly everyone feels them at one point or another. Yet so many women in the Church believe they are alone in this. We teach the men to avoid pornography and other harmful, sex-related media, but we rarely teach the women to avoid it. We just take it as a given that such media does not appeal to women. That women would not be tempted. And these beliefs instill themselves in the women who do indeed struggle. They think, "If no one's talking about this, I must be the only one with a problem. Something must be wrong with me."
You know what? It's a total lie. Both men and women struggle, even if we sometimes struggle in different ways. Women are human. We all have temptations and desires and we all have to learn to deal with them head-on.
Ask questions if you have questions. Don't be afraid to discuss sex with people you love and trust, as long as you do so in a spirit of respect and learning. We need to acknowledge our own sexuality and the sexuality of others if we want to develop strong, healthy relationships.
**This post was inspired by an article about female addiction to pornography which several friends shared on Facebook. Go check it out yourself!
Kelsey Allan is a senior studying English and editing.
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