The first date. Sometimes it's anticipated with giddy excitement, and sometimes it looms like a frightening storm cloud waiting at the end of the week. Chances are, most people who participate in the dating scene will have a fair number of first dates in their lifetimes. Some will be good, others not so good. Here are a few tips, gleaned from my own experiences and the experiences of people far wiser and smarter than I am, that might help you have a little more fun on the first date.
A quick disclaimer: This is not a guide on how to get a second date, nor is it doctrine. As you read, think about your own experiences, and take what will help you out. You're welcome to leave the rest behind if it doesn't feel relevant. And while this post is written primarily for a female audience, these tips can be helpful for guys, too!
Without further ado, some first date tips:
Tip #1: Remember that a date is just a date!
Too often, we try and read far too much into a first date. We start forming tricky questions in our brains, like, “Is this a pity date or is he actually into me?” We might think, “Did I do something to make him think I was interested?” or “What took him so long to ask me out?” Or maybe the thoughts are more like, “I shouldn't say yes . . . I'm not looking for a relationship right now!” When you're asked out on a date, remember that maybe it's not as complex of an issue as it might seem. The For the Strength of Youth pamphlet states, “A date is a planned activity that allows a young man and a young woman to get to know each other better" (p. 4). It's not necessarily a symbol for someone's undying feelings for you, nor is it a definite sign of the start of a relationship. You'll enjoy your date more if you aren't spending energy worrying about the complex motivations of going on date #1.
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| harrypotter.wikia.com |
Tip #2: Put away the crystal ball. Don't try to see too far into the future!
If a first date goes well, many people have the tendency to look way too far down the road and get prepped for the second date, the third, fourth, and fifth dates, as well as the proposal, the engagement photo shoot, and the wedding. While it's definitely okay to feel happy and excited after a great first date, thinking too far into the future can often rob you of enjoying the good things that could happen in the present. This type of thinking might also set you up to feel disappointed if your wildest dreams don't come true after one date. When it comes to dating, living in the moment can relieve both you and your date of unnecessary pressure that might actually keep you from enjoying your time together.
Tip #3: R-E-S-P-E-C-T
The principle of respect is important on every date, but especially on a first date. Again, from the pamphlet For the Strength of Youth: “Remember that a young man and a young woman on a date are responsible to protect each others' honor and virtue (p. 4).” Don't do anything on the first date that would make you feel embarrassed the next day, even if you're “just having fun.” Show respect for your date and for yourself by maintaining clear boundaries. If your date does something that makes you feel uncomfortable, don't feel obligated to play along. Speak up, even if you don't know the person very well.
Tip #4: Get to know personalities, not people, on first dates.
This tip comes from one of my YSA ward bishops. When I first heard him say this, I thought, “False! No way! We're supposed to get to know people!” After thinking about this a little more, however, I see the wisdom in it. Often we focus too much on trying to get to know all the facts about a person on a first date. This leads to the age-old questions like, “What's your major?” “What do you want to do after you graduate?” “What's your favorite color?” “What's your favorite movie?” “What kind of music do you like?” While there's nothing wrong with questions like that, asking too many of them can make the date feel like an interrogation session. A first date is a great way to get a feel for someone's personality. It's not always necessary to know all the demographic details about a person's life in order to have a good time with them on a date. Most people out there have really interesting and great personalities, and you probably do too! Don't let your personality or your date's personality get buried under facts on the first date. Taking this approach will also help you do a little research into what type of personality you enjoy the most.
Tip #5: Don't fake it.
As the Genie wisely said to Aladdin, “Just beeee yourself!” Don't worry about trying to be the perfect date. Don't worry about trying to be a great match for the guy you're going on a date with. Often we try to portray what we think others want to see, especially if we're interested in spending more time with them. If you spend the whole night acting, trying to make someone interested in you, chances are you'll go home exhausted, and your date will probably see right through you. That's not a great way to start things off with someone. Just be yourself, and I promise both you and your date will be more comfortable, have more fun on your date, and more likely to spend time together in the future.Tip #6: If it doesn't work out, don't stress about it.
Sometimes you'll go on a first date with someone and there's no second date. If you were kind of hoping for a second date, don't feel like a failure if he doesn't ask you out again. It doesn't mean you're a bad person, and it doesn't mean you'll never get married. It also doesn't mean that he was lying when he said, “I had fun!” at the end of the first date. Don't make yourself crazy wondering why he didn't ask you again. You probably won't find out the answer, and it will just make it awkward if you happen to run into him again. Just be glad to have gone out with him, and take the next step as it comes. If you didn't really enjoy the first date, don't go publishing that information for all the world to hear. Complaining about your first date, or talking with your friends about all the reasons you wouldn't go out on a second date, just isn't very nice.
What other tips would you add? What has helped you have more positive first-date experiences? Click “Comment” to share!
Article by Jessica Croft
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