This piece was written as a sequel of sorts to this post.
Do you ever have a feeling that something really, really big is about to happen? I do sometimes. Whether the happening is good or bad, I sometimes feel like my life is right on the brink of something that something just hasn't quite come yet.
Well I read something once that made me question—what does God think when he sees that something bad is about to happen in our lives?
'Cause bad things happen. They're inevitable. and though we can definitely learn something and become better through each trial, I don't think God lays out our life and puts trials in specific places to teach us specific lessons. I think the bad things just happen as a part of life, and He watches, trying to comfort us when we need it, and teach us when we're willing. So what does He think, when He looks down at our life and realizes that we have a massive trial coming our way that is going to cause a lot of pain and suffering?
I shouldn't dwell so much on the past, but I have a thing with dates. I remember dates. I remember almost every friend's birth date that I've ever been told. I remember when things happen. So I know for a fact, without checking, that one year ago Tuesday—March 18, 2013—was the day that my serious boyfriend broke up with me unexpectedly. I've written about it extensively, and I don't want to write about it much today, because that chapter of my life is over and I've moved on. but I will admit that when I woke up Tuesday morning, the first thing I thought was . . . one year.
And then I thought again about my Heavenly Father. In this case, I had no idea that the biggest struggle I've dealt with so far was coming. I had no premonition, no tiny doubt or stupor of thought. It just happened and it hurt and it sucked. But I know that my Heavenly Father knew it was coming, and I can imagine what He thought about on the nights of March 15, 16, and 17 of last year.
I imagine that He looked at me, saw how happy I was, how in love I was, and then shed a little tear knowing that the plans I had made for my future were about to change drastically. I imagine that He cried a little bit for me, since He is a god of empathy, after all, and that He understood the pain I was about to feel. I imagine that He wished He could have warned me somehow, even though this was a trial I had to face head-on.
But I also imagine that He knew the kind of strength I would gain over the next days and weeks and months. I imagine that He knew I would come running to Him to help me, and that I would draw closer to Him in spirit. I imagine that He saw how I would grow from the experience and that He was already a little bit proud of me.
Because I am proud of me.
There's so much in my life that I'm not proud of, but I am proud of the strength and knowledge I gained in the last year. I'm proud of the way I can accidentally see a picture of that boy and feel absolutely zero longing or wistfulness. I'm proud that my strength comes from God and from within.
And now, a year later, I do have a feeling about what is coming next. I've had a feeling about it for a long time, actually. Since about September I've had this feeling that something really, really good was on the horizon. I've felt it looming over me, just there, for a long time. And I can imagine God up there watching, laughing a little at my restlessness and whispering for me to be patient. Because good things have happened in this last year, but not that big, good thing that I can see coming. Maybe it'll happen tomorrow, and maybe it won't happen for months, but I'm okay to keep waiting because my instincts tell me that good is on its way. and my instincts are rarely (read: never) wrong.
So even though it sometimes feels like this last year has been a giant *pause* in the relationship world, I've got a feeling that something really, really good is coming my way.