CW: sexual violence, consent, victim-blamingHide yo kids hide yo wife
and hide yo husband cuz I’m gropin errbody out there
If she is still going on her midnight jog #Shewantsthegrope
The above tweets are just a couple examples of the tasteless jokes tweeted and retweeted by the satirical “BYU Groper” Twitter account during a disturbing surge of on-campus sexual assaults. Some students also made flippant T-shirts sporting messages like “I AM NOT THE GROPER” and wore them around the BYU campus.
A few weeks ago authorities identified the perpetrator, arresting him for sexual battery. Plenty of coverage has been devoted to this young man, but I feel we have yet to direct adequate attention to the public’s response to his attacks.
I've heard people criticize the attacker’s victims: Why didn’t they just kick him or run away? Why didn’t they just shout at him? Why bother reporting his actions when in any other city no one would give the dude a second glance?
And I've heard people criticize school officials for swiftly banning him from the BYU campus: What happened to innocent until proven guilty? Think about how this minor incident will affect his entire future.
Such reactions really disturb me, but perhaps we can use them as a tool to instruct and inform those who remain ignorant about sexual violence.
Our tendency to blame or question the victims of sexual assault (because yes, that's what unwanted groping is, whether you think it's funny or not) demonstrates rape culture's prevalence in today's society. You might firmly believe that using violence or force to coerce someone into sex is wrong . . . but what about unwanted touching? What about victims who don't fight back? What if there's no physical violence but a whole lot of pressure and shame?
Assault is assault. Consensual sex (or any sex-related acts) can only occur when each participant has clearly consented. That covers everything from sex itself to swatting at and groping body parts. What happened on campus is a big deal because those women DID NOT CONSENT. They felt like someone had revoked their bodily autonomy, their ability to control what/whom they come in contact with. They felt violated and they bravely decided to tell someone. Perhaps, yes, in other places in the world the victims would not bother to press charges. But that illustrates more of a global problem with rape culture and our acceptance of sexual violence and non-consent than it illustrates Provo naivety.
Furthermore, blaming victims causes them further trauma and contributes to rape culture. You don't know what goes through a person's mind when faced with sexual assault. You don't know how you personally would react until it happens to you, and even then no two people are necessarily alike. Maybe the victims didn't have time to process what had happened. Maybe they did but they were too surprised to take control. Maybe they were embarrassed (because let's face it, our culture is not always kind to sexual assault victims). And maybe it's none of your business why they didn't fight back or shout! I think we could put our minds to more productive uses if we thought of ways to better encourage victims to speak out and to more effectively punish sexual offenders.
Some critics scorned BYU officials for banning the offender from campus before he was even put to trial. That’s a hard decision to make. Does the university protect an alleged perpetrator who can continue to violate and harm other innocent victims throughout a lengthy legal process or do they protect the students who are at BYU under the assumption that BYU is a safe place to be? There is the possibility of falsely accusing someone, which admittedly is horrible. It's a complicated issue. Which is worse, the risk of damaging one's reputation or the risk of having one’s body and trust violated? Which would you choose?
In any case, don't joke about sexual assault. It's no laughing matter. The consequences are grave for both the perpetrator and victims. Any kind of sexual violence hurts real people and contributes to a harmful rape culture.