This is an example of a gradient map:
On one end is the color black. On the other end is the color white. And in between, are varying degrees of gray that both separate and connect the black and white. If not for varying degrees of gray, black & white colored photos would be just that: solid black and solid white. Which, as you can imagine, wouldn’t be especially Instagram-able. Thank goodness for grays.
Colors aren’t the only things graded into various shades. The way that we as humans evaluate things can also create a similar kind of spectrum. For example, consider how teachers grade work in school. There is typically a scale/gradient that ranges from 0% to 100%. Depending on your performance, you may earn an A, B, C, D or F with varying percentage points attached. Granted, there is an exception to this scholastic grading example. Some courses are Pass/Fail. The gradient is removed and you either pass or you don’t. It is all or nothing. Black or white.
Black-or-White Thinking
So, where am I going with all of this talk about colors, grades and gradients? I want to share with you about a form of thinking known as black-and-white thinking. It relates to how we evaluate ourselves, our relationships, our performances, and our achievements. It is something that most people experience to some degree, and that many people with depression and anxiety experience A LOT.
Black-and-white thinking, also known as all-or-nothing thinking, is essentially minimizing our options for how we think into only two options. Instead of varying degrees of success, there is perfection or failure. Everything is pass or fail. And usually, “pass” is defined as getting one hundred percent. A near-impossible standard. Have you ever received a C, or perhaps even an A- on an exam and felt like you were a failure? That is black-and-white thinking in action.
Have you ever thought this way? Or can you think of someone who has? Well, if so, you are not alone. Black-and-white thinking is fairly common. And in small doses, is isn’t harmful. But if this characterizes the way you think, it can be like poison to your emotional health.
According to David D. Burns, author of Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy,
[All-or-nothing thinking] refers to your tendency to evaluate your personal qualities in extreme, black-or-white categories. . . . All-or-nothing thinking forms the basis for perfectionism. It causes you to fear any mistake or imperfection because you will then see yourself as a complete loser, and you will feel inadequate and worthless. Feelings of inadequacy and worthlessness are not healthy. In fact, they are dirty and harmful lies. Imperfection is not inadequacy. And even though you are not flawless, you certainly are not worthless.
So, what can someone do if they do often think in black and white? What if someone is depressed and most of their thoughts follow this bad logic?
How to Change Black-or-White Thinking
There is a kind of therapy called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) that is all about retraining your thoughts away from unhealthy and distorted thinking. It is a common treatment for depression and anxiety, both of which involve a lot of unhealthy thinking including black-or-white thinking. If you think this way, this doesn’t necessarily mean you need therapy. But if you think that you are depressed, I recommend seeking professional health.
That said, there are mental and written exercises from CBT that you can do on your own to retrain your brain to think in less distorted ways.There is something called the cognitive restructuring in which you restructure or change you default ways of thinking about things. I will share with you one technique involved in cognitive restructuring known as the triple-column technique. You begin by making three columns on a sheet of paper or spreadsheet. On the top of the three columns write:
Automatic thought, Cognitive Distortion, and Rational Response.Then follow this pattern:
1. Recognize and record the negative thought
2. Acknowledge and identify it as an example of all-or-nothing thinking (there are other cognitive distortions as well, and this column can be used to identify them as well).
3. Come up with a rational response to replace the original thought
It helps to initially write these down initially, and then later transition into going through the process in your mind. Eventually, it becomes natural.
Here are a few examples of what the process looks like:
Thought | Distortion | Rational Response |
I am a failure | All-or-nothing-thinking | I didn’t perform as well as I hoped on my test, but I did earn a passing grade, and I usually do really well. |
I always do this. I never achieve my goals and I have no will power. | All-or-nothing-thinking | Even though I set a goal to go to bed at 10:30, it’s 1:06am and I’m still up writing this blogpost. But, I have met my other goals for the day and I’ve enjoyed the past few hours. |
Eventually, if you keep this kind of log for long enough, you can retrain your brain to automatically auto-correct itself when those negative and distorted thoughts pop in. It leads to much more positive, realistic and hopeful thinking.
If you do struggle with black-or-white thinking, I encourage you to try this restructuring activity for the next week and see what happens. You may find that it helps you to be more accepting of your imperfections and more aware of and grateful for your accomplishments. Let’s encourage and celebrate having many shades of gray. Just not fifty. . .
By: Allison Ellsworth, LAMFT