What would you say if you weren't afraid of being judged?
What would you say if you weren't worried about making a fuss?
What would you say if you could suddenly shed your inhibitions? If you could forget every instinct telling you to not draw attention to yourself, to take up less space, to not bother your friends?
I'm sure that we all have something in mind that we'd like to say, that we've kept bottled up inside because of fear or because we feel like nobody's listening.
Society has long taught women not to make themselves heard. Some think a quiet, complaisant woman is the most attractive kind. Sure, a woman who chooses these traits is perfectly attractive in her own way. But what is not okay is pressuring a woman to default to such qualities. We as women are often trained to go with the flow, to make ourselves agreeable, to be polite and to withhold strong opinions. Occasionally we might even inflict this training on ourselves because we believe that it will cause men and other women to like us more.
But your perspective has the same potential as anyone else's to be useful, interesting, and worthwhile.
And when it comes to your feelings, there's no one in the world who knows better than you do what they are. Friends do not always mean to say hurtful things, but it happens. When it does, speak up! They may not realize that their actions or words have caused any kind of harm. They may rationalize that you probably understand the intended meaning, that you are too tough to let it bother you. And they will continue to believe that unless you calmly explain how it actually came across.
You may also feel tempted to refrain from participating in class or in group projects. You may think that other people have better ideas, that they understand the concepts better. If you feel that way, perhaps you can ask them to explain it to you. Or you can explain your own perspective and engage in a meaningful dialogue, sharing with each other thoughts and ideas that come from unique backgrounds.
Have confidence in yourself. Present your feelings and thoughts in a considerate manner, but do not withhold them out of fear or insecurity.
I have struggled with this for a long time myself. I allow others to make choices for me. Sometimes I do this because I genuinely have no preference, but sometimes I do it because I worry what the other person will think or because I feel my opinion is inherently wrong.
My challenge for you today:
- Sit down and list a few things that you have wanted to say recently, but didn't.
- Is it possible to say these things now? If so, find the person involved and tell him or her what you really think. If not, think about how you can prevent yourself from biting your tongue the next time you have a chance to speak.
- Encourage others to also share their thoughts and opinions!
Kelsey Allan is a senior studying English and editing.
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