"I want to be in a relationship, but all the guys here are just looking for something superficial and want to avoid commitment." If you have ever said or believed that statement, get ready—you're probably wrong. It turns out that most people would rather be in a relationship than be single. Does that sound like you? Well, if you are single and would rather be in a relationship, I pose this question to you: what are you doing to change your current circumstances? I expect a response like this: "Well . . . I'm the girl . . . I want the guy to make the first move—to go out on a limb. I am awesome and available; my Prince Charming just needs to get on his horse and do something!" Yes, that would be nice, even ideal, but at the end of the day, does it matter who makes the first move or goes out on a limb, if it leads to the same outcome? Hint: the answer is NO.Whatever your excuse is to not make the first move, ask yourself this: what's the worst that could come from telling him how you feel or making an effort to further your relationship with that could-be-special-someone? Answer: he doesn't reciprocate the feelings, or maybe he downright rejects you. It sounds harsh. UNTIL you realize that your relationship circumstances are no different than before (you're still single), except that you can stop wasting your time daydreaming over someone who you now know isn't your special someone, and find the guy that is.
On the other hand, there is the possibility that he shares similar feelings for you or is at least open to the idea of exploring those feelings with you.
I have clients and close friends who made the first move and shared their feelings with the maybe-man-of-their-dreams. I have done it too! What was most interesting to me, however, was that not one of us regretted our decision to be open and honest. Some started dating the guy they opened up to and others were able to move on. The best part: we were proud of ourselves. It was freeing, we liked the skills we were developing and the individuals we were becoming, and there was a positive outcome for everyone, whether that means we moved from being single to being in a relationship or that we developed skills that will help our next relationship flourish—skills like honesty, openness, and vulnerability (just to name a few).
See how these singles did going out on a limb and making the first move!