Growing up, I hated my freckles. I thought they were abnormal and unattractive. I hated that people always commented on them. "Oh, look at those freckles!" "Wow, so many freckles!" My feelings about my freckles were a sneak-preview of the insecurities that crept into my life as I entered adolescence. And it didn't start or end with freckles, either. I felt that way about other parts of my body, too. Without even realizing it, I stepped onto a slippery slope of negative self-image. Eventually, when I would look in the mirror, I would be disgusted by what I saw.
As a teenager, I didn't realize my negative body image was about more than just my looks. It was about my fear of being noticed, of being the subject of comments or criticism. I don't know exactly where the feeling started, but I felt like I wasn't good enough. I hated my freckles (and most other parts of my body) because they were a physical manifestation of me, and I did not like myself. Gradually, those feelings of disgust toward my body and myself as a person turned into harmful behaviors that developed into an eating disorder.The message of my eating disorder at its worst was often, “If you lose weight, you'll be beautiful. People will love you when you are thin. Nothing will be able to make you feel inadequate if you are thin. Thin is all you need to be to be happy. And if you don't lose weight—if you stay the way you are, you will never be good enough.” In the worst years of my eating disorder, I completely, 100% submitted to those lies. I started to define myself by those lies, and for a long time I got totally lost in them.
Unfortunately, stories like mine aren't uncommon. In a society that constantly sends false messages about the definitions of beauty and self-worth, it's no wonder that eating disorders, negative body image, and unhealthy relationships with food and exercise are on the rise. The media, the corporate world, and the entertainment industry would have us all believe that how we look defines who we are and what we are worth. That message is enough to make anyone anxious.
Appearances can be distracting. That's why we focus on them--because it's easier to obsess over something physical than to analyze issues that could be emotional, mental or spiritual. But superficial solutions for repairing feelings of insecurity never get us far. Neither does abusing food or exercise, or staring in the mirror and yearning to see something different. Hating my freckles didn't get me anywhere, but challenging the belief that my freckles were ugly and I was therefore unlovable--that got me somewhere. Healing and change have come from really looking at myself--my whole self, not just my physical self--and challenging the damaging beliefs I harbored in the past.
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| Photo by Brooke Schultz |
Here's a secret: Today, I love my freckles. It's true! And I've come a long way in combating my eating disorder and living a healthier, happier life outside the grasp of addictive behaviors. These changes have happened through a lot of work and a lot of help, including help from BYUWSR's group Fed Up With Food.
Recapturing beauty has nothing to do with changing our physical selves, and everything to do with seeing our whole selves. Seeing the whole picture—that we are more than our looks alone—requires personal effort and a lot of support. That support is available from Heavenly Father; from friends, family and organizations that inspire a clear vision of wellness and beauty; and even our own insights into who we really are. These are the sources to which women and men should be encouraged to turn in order to discover beauty, and not to any source that would tell them they need to manipulate themselves physically to be beautiful.
It's not about freckles, and it's not about how thin, tall, toned, or tanned we are either. It's about finding an identity formed from all parts of who we are as children of God. That's something we can all achieve, should we choose to make it our goal.
But how do we do it? How do we start seeing our whole selves? A few suggestions to get started:
- Find and write down things you like about yourself that do not have to do with your body or appearance.
- Give sincere compliments to others that are based on something other than their looks, clothing, or accessories.
- Find and develop talents and hobbies that will add meaning to your life.
- Seek help from others who have made progress in this area.
- Study the scriptures and words of modern prophets to learn more about how Heavenly Father sees His children, and about how the Savior feels about us.
- Give service to those in need and start seeing beyond appearances in the way you interact with others.
- Avoid media that degrades or objectifies the body. Seek out and/or create media that encourages a holistic view of self-worth.
What has helped you start seeing your whole self? What other suggestions would you make? What are the barriers that you've faced in seeing your whole self? Share in the comments!
Article by Jessica Croft
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