Resources for Combating Disordered Eating and Negative Body Image

Guest Blog Post from Lauren Absher, RD, CD—BYU Student Health Center

Kimberly Reid, writer for the Ensign, said, “We live in a society that emphasizes the body and limits the definition of beauty. If we are not careful, we may adopt unrealistic standards. More than sixty-five years ago, writer C. S. Lewis observed that the adversary uses distorted body images in the media to direct ‘the desires of men to something which does not exist.’  That trend increases today.”¹

Elder Holland has counseled, “In too many cases too much is being done to the human body to meet . . . a fictional (to say nothing of superficial) standard. . . . This is more than social insanity; it is spiritually destructive, and it accounts for much … unhappiness.”²

Society’s pressures on appearance only seem to be getting worse. The way people perceive their bodies can affect emotions, appetite, food intake, exercise patterns, relationships, self-worth, and even life goals. Food and physical activity cease to be a way of taking care of the body and mind and instead shift to obsessions. Then, disordered patterns of thought and behavior may set in. Food and body become the enemies. The eating disorder becomes a negative way of coping with life’s stresses. Once these patterns are established, it may often require professional help to break the cycle and shift their way of thinking because the grasp is so addictive. Many people do not know where to turn for help.

I have worked as a dietitian at Center for Change for six years. I love helping people on their path to establishing a healthy relationship with food and with their bodies. The most effective way for people who struggle with eating disorders to recover is to have a solid support team who are experts in this area: a physician, therapist, and dietitian. Physicians monitor labs and vitals that may be affected by malnourishment. Therapists address the underlying issues that lead to the behaviors and suggest ways to change the negative thought processes about food and body.

Dietitians help provide education on proper nutrition and exercise balance, address emotional overeating and restricting, challenge clients to break the rigidity and become more flexible about their food choices, combat common myths about food and the all-or-nothing thinking, provide accountability for eating disorder behaviors, and guide setting goals to return to normal eating, to decrease other disordered patterns, and to work on body image acceptance. The dietitian plays a key role in helping individuals accept the need for change and the ability to give themselves permission to eat. Sometimes awareness may not even come until meeting with a dietitian who will point out restrictive patterns.

I took on the position of the dietitian at the BYU Student Health Center because I feel so passionately that many people may need help but may not know where to find it, or they may need a support team in closer proximity to campus. The therapists at the Counseling and Psychological Services have an eating disorder treatment team, and I am working in conjunction with them to provide better resources for students. 

Working toward recovery can feel like a battle, but it does not have to be fought alone. We all have the same goal in mind: to guide people who struggle with eating disorders toward recovery. We are ready to help.

Lauren Absher, RD, CD

801-422-5156

1. Kimberly Reid, Dating and the Eternal Perspective, February 2008 Ensign

2. Jeffrey R. Holland, To Young Women, October 2005

ADSENSE HERE

Society Has an Eating Disorder

Some close friends and I just had a discussion that led us to a scary conclusion: society has an eating disorder. Society's obsession with thinness, food, weight, fitness, and appearance in general is reaching an unprecedented extremity. So while not every woman in the world has a full-blown eating disorder, chances are that their beliefs and priorities have been influenced in some way by society's eating disorder. Signs of society's eating disorder are apparent in the fashion industry, the fitness industry, in the magazines at the grocery store checkout, in the reality TV shows on cable, the conversations between female characters on sitcoms, and in nearly every corner of the internet.

For example, if you try opening up a Pinterest page and clicking on “Health and Fitness,” I think you'll be surprised at how many “thinspiration” (images of women with very low body weight designed as motivators for weight loss) and “fitspiration” (similar to thinspiration but focused on exercise and getting “ripped”). Images like these encourage extremism in diet and exercise, deliberately encouraging the viewer to push their bodies to the limits to achieve “perfection.” Let's take this image for example:

How damaging is the perspective that this image is promoting? The message is to ignore your body's natural ways of telling you how much it can take. While there is a healthy way to improve physical fitness by building endurance and strength, fighting your body can have serious physical and mental consequences. These include injury, exhaustion, and an increased risk for exercise addiction or eating disorders. Unfortunately, society's standard of fitness is moving way past the mark of healthy living and dangerously closer to the realms of obsession. Society's standard is disordered.

It appears that even the folks at Pinterest are recognizing the unhealthy and dangerous trend that is taking place on their website. When I searched “thinspiration” to find example images for this article, this is what popped up at the top of the page:

While I'm grateful for the important warning and information, it's sad that it has to be posted.

Don't get me wrong—not everyone who is “fit” has an unhealthy perspective. There is a female fitness instructor named Tammy who works at a rec center in my hometown. I've taken weight training classes from her and loved them because she never makes negative comments about weight, fat, or eating. She's perfectly comfortable with telling stories about a delicious doughnut she had on a date with her husband, or how great it was to play in the backyard with her grandchildren instead of going for a run. During the class, she encourages each participant to protect themselves against injury by listening to their bodies. Tammy loves to exercise and she is very fit, but fitness is not the center of her life. Society could stand to take a leaf from Tammy's book.

It can be a challenge to not allow society's disordered perspectives to influence our own lives. The next time you pause to see if anyone at the party is watching you reach for a second piece of pizza, or the next time you feel guilty for skipping a day at the gym, or even the next time you feel tempted to entertain a negative thought about your body, ask yourself, “Am I letting society's eating disorder set standards for my life?” “Am I submitting to any of society's distorted ideas about fitness and health?”

Remember that you are free to make your own choices about food, exercise, clothing, and how you talk and feel about your body. If eating a second slice of pizza is what you really want to do, then go ahead and eat it. If taking a break from the gym will help you find time to make your day satisfying, then do it. Or maybe you do want to go to the gym, not because you'll feel guilty if you don't, but because you'll feel good if you do. Be honest with yourself, both in distinguishing between your own healthy and unhealthy thoughts, and society's healthy and unhealthy messages. Just because society has an eating disorder, doesn't mean you can't challenge those beliefs in your own life.

Even if you have suffered or are currently suffering from an eating disorder, remember that you have the same opportunity to challenge those beliefs. The strangling grip of an eating disorder isn't something that has to hold you for forever. In my own recovery from an eating disorder, I've felt at times that healing was impossible, because once I finally was able to dispute my own disordered thoughts and actions, the same things would pop up in what seemed like every social interaction or any contact I had with media. My solution has been to dispute the wrong and seek out the right. There are a lot of ways to find and internalize a healthy perspective on your relationship with your body. Seek out the things that help you feel peace with food, with your body, with others, and with yourself. I won't claim to be perfect in that respect, or to have reached the point where I feel one hundred percent great one hundred percent of the time, but I can say that I have experienced positive changes that I didn't think were possible. Society's eating disorder doesn't have to prevent you from overcoming your own.

For more information and other perspectives, check out these resources:

“The Body, a Sacred Gift” by Diane L. Spangler, PhD

• This Ensign article written by a BYU professor of clinical psychology invites us to “regard our bodies in the Lord's way rather than in the world's way.”

Goodbye Ed, Hello Me, by Jenni Schaefer

• Jenni Schaefer, an author and motivational speaker who has recovered from an eating disorder, talks about recovery and Societal ED, or the voice of society's eating disorder.

Does Every Woman Have an Eating Disorder?

• A blog by Dr. Stacey Rosenfeld, a clinical psychologist, who discusses the norm of an unhealthy fixation on weight, food, and shape.

Article by Jessica Croft

ADSENSE HERE

It's Not About Freckles: Seeing our Whole Selves

Growing up, I hated my freckles. I thought they were abnormal and unattractive. I hated that people always commented on them. "Oh, look at those freckles!" "Wow, so many freckles!" My feelings about my freckles were a sneak-preview of the insecurities that crept into my life as I entered adolescence. And it didn't start or end with freckles, either. I felt that way about other parts of my body, too. Without even realizing it, I stepped onto a slippery slope of negative self-image. Eventually, when I would look in the mirror, I would be disgusted by what I saw.

As a teenager, I didn't realize my negative body image was about more than just my looks. It was about my fear of being noticed, of being the subject of comments or criticism. I don't know exactly where the feeling started, but I felt like I wasn't good enough. I hated my freckles (and most other parts of my body) because they were a physical manifestation of me, and I did not like myself. Gradually, those feelings of disgust toward my body and myself as a person turned into harmful behaviors that developed into an eating disorder.

The message of my eating disorder at its worst was often,  “If you lose weight, you'll be beautiful. People will love you when you are thin.  Nothing will be able to make you feel inadequate if you are thin. Thin is all you need to be to be happy. And if you don't lose weight—if you stay the way you are, you will never be good enough.” In the worst years of my eating disorder, I completely, 100% submitted to those lies. I started to define myself by those lies, and for a long time I got totally lost in them.

Unfortunately, stories like mine aren't uncommon. In a society that constantly sends false messages about the definitions of beauty and self-worth, it's no wonder that eating disorders, negative body image, and unhealthy relationships with food and exercise are on the rise. The media, the corporate world, and the entertainment industry would have us all believe that how we look defines who we are and what we are worth. That message is enough to make anyone anxious.

Appearances can be distracting. That's why we focus on them--because it's easier to obsess over something physical than to analyze issues that could be emotional, mental or spiritual. But superficial solutions for repairing feelings of insecurity never get us far. Neither does abusing food or exercise, or staring in the mirror and yearning to see something different. Hating my freckles didn't get me anywhere, but challenging the belief that my freckles were ugly and I was therefore unlovable--that got me somewhere. Healing and change have come from really looking at myself--my whole self, not just my physical self--and challenging the damaging beliefs I harbored in the past.

Photo by Brooke Schultz

Here's a secret: Today, I love my freckles. It's true!  And I've come a long way in combating my eating disorder and living a healthier, happier life outside the grasp of addictive behaviors. These changes have happened through a lot of work and a lot of help, including help from BYUWSR's group Fed Up With Food.

Recapturing beauty has nothing to do with changing our physical selves, and everything to do with seeing our whole selves. Seeing the whole picture—that we are more than our looks alone—requires personal effort and a lot of support. That support is available from Heavenly Father; from friends, family and organizations that inspire a clear vision of wellness and beauty; and even our own insights into who we really are. These are the sources to which women and men should be encouraged to turn in order to discover beauty, and not to any source that would tell them they need to manipulate themselves physically to be beautiful.

It's not about freckles, and it's not about how thin, tall, toned, or tanned we are either. It's about finding an identity formed from all parts of who we are as children of God. That's something we can all achieve, should we choose to make it our goal.

But how do we do it?  How do we start seeing our whole selves?  A few suggestions to get started:

• Find and write down things you like about yourself that do not have to do with your body or appearance.
• Give sincere compliments to others that are based on something other than their looks, clothing, or accessories.
• Find and develop talents and hobbies that will add meaning to your life.  
• Seek help from others who have made progress in this area.
• Study the scriptures and words of modern prophets to learn more about how Heavenly Father sees His children, and about how the Savior feels about us.
• Give service to those in need and start seeing beyond appearances in the way you interact with others.
• Avoid media that degrades or objectifies the body.  Seek out and/or create media that encourages a holistic view of self-worth.

What has helped you start seeing your whole self?  What other suggestions would you make?  What are the barriers that you've faced in seeing your whole self?  Share in the comments!

Article by Jessica Croft

ADSENSE HERE

Body Shaming: The Results Are In and We Need to Get Out

Two weeks ago, we posted a poll asking whether you receive more body shaming or weight shaming comments from men or women. Well, the results are in:

63% receive more body shaming comments from OTHER WOMEN 

22% receive body shaming comments from BOTH MEN AND WOMEN 

6% receive more body shaming comments from MEN 

9% reporting not receiving body shaming comments

Body shaming is defined as inappropriate negative comments and attitudes towards another person's weight or size. Our culture, in general, has a very negative attitude about women's bodies unless they fit a very specific stereotype. Because we are so immersed in our culture, we oftentimes internalize these negative messages about our bodies without realizing it and then we begin to self-discriminate and discriminate against other women based on their size, shape, or weight. It is such an embedded feature of feminine culture that we don't really notice it until someone points it out. When was the last time that you looked in the mirror and body shamed yourself? Or last time you were spending time with female friends and someone made a negative comment about their own body or someone else's body? Or the last time someone "gently" suggested to you that you should hit the gym more often or eat less? Not that long ago? You're not alone.

After 27.5 years of life, dozens of female relatives, 21 female roommates, hundreds of female clients, and countless female friends and acquaintances, I have yet to find a group of women that doesn't struggle, at some level, with a culture of body shaming. Our poll means that 85% of women received body shaming comments from other women. Why do we do it, ladies? When we know how hard it is to live in a culture where a woman's worth is defined by the size of her jeans, why do pass on the poison to other women, oftentimes to the women we love the most?

It's time to take a stand. It's time to stop the body shaming and embrace our bodies for what they are: precious, sacred gifts from our Father in Heaven. But we can't do it alone. I challenge you, right here, today, to commit to changing the female culture within your sphere of influence. Promise yourself that you will refrain from body shaming comments towards yourself and others. Develop the courage it takes to speak up when a woman you love body shames herself or someone else. Talk to the women in your life about how you can all work together to turn body shame into love and appreciation for your miraculous body.

Here are a few tips on how to do it:

• Squash Gossip—Avoid gossiping about other women with your friends. When you are disparaging other women, it's easy to slip into disparaging the way they look; how they looked in that Facebook picture, or how much weight they gained/lost. If someone starts to gossip, speak up, change the subject, or simply choose to leave the conversation.

• Be Aware of Your Social Circle—If you surround yourself with body shamers, you are more likely to get stuck in that vicious cycle, too. Find positive friends and reach out to friends that struggle. We all have that one friend that is obsessed with her appearance; the girl who always makes a negative comment when she looks in the mirror, who constantly talks about dieting, and who bemoans her back-fat, neck-fat, elbow-fat, whatever-fat. Heck, maybe we have lots of friends like that. Instead of brushing it off or joining in with her to moan about your ear-fat, encourage her to see herself in a different light. If she is really struggling, encourage her to go to a counselor. Severe body shaming can be a sign of an eating disorder, so be a support for her to find help.

• Be a Builder, Not a Bully—I don't know if you've noticed, but body shaming is just a really specific form of bullying. Remember how you felt when you were bullied in middle school? It sucked, didn't it? Well, stop bullying yourself and others by body shaming.  Instead, go about trying to build and lift other women up. Do you like that skirt your friend is wearing?  Say so. Do you appreciate how your best friends eyes sparkle when she laughs? Tell her! Just do it. Start a culture of complements instead of criticism.

• There is No "Right" Body—The same way that curvy girls hate hearing about how they should be super skinny to be acceptable, girls who are naturally thin hate hearing that "real women have curves" or "someone needs to go eat a hamburger." There is no such thing as the perfect body. All bodies are beautiful!  It's our job to take care of our bodies, accept that everyone has genetic influences when it comes to body size and shape, and to celebrate our uniqueness.

• Stop Being a Weight Loss Cheerleader—Notice that someone has lost weight? Keep your lips zipped. Don't gush on and on about how great they look after dropping a couple of pounds. In my work with women who have eating disorders, this was just the validation they were looking for to justify their incredibly unhealthy eating and dieting behaviors. You never know what lengths someone went to in order to drop the weight. Whenever someone does this, it implies that the person didn't look great before they lost weight. If they talk about healthy behaviors, celebrate them for taking care of their body in healthy ways, not just on the results.

• Learn More About Eating Disorders—Take a good look around at the women you love. Odds are, at least one of them has an eating disorder or is in recovery from an eating disorder. A body shaming culture can be severely damaging to those who struggle with eating disorders. The more educated you are about EDs, the better support you can be to those in your life who face this demon. 

• There Is No Such Thing as Good Foods and Bad Foods—No, you are not "bad" if you had a couple pieces of pizza or delighted in that chocolate ice cream. And you are not "good" or "bad" for avoiding or indulging in a specific kind of food. Classifying foods as "good" or "bad" is a dangerous way to view food and it can lead to restricting and binging. If you maintain a balanced diet, there is nothing wrong with treating yourself to your favorite sweet or treat.    

• THROW AWAY YOUR "SKINNY" JEANS—Do you have a pair of jeans someone in the depths of your closet or drawers that are too small for the size you are now? Do you buy clothes in a size smaller to give yourself an "incentive" to lose the weight? Stop it. Donate them. Throw them away. Light them on fire. I don't care what you have to do, just get rid of them. Dress your body for the size that you are, don't put off buying cute clothes until you lose weight, encourage family members and friends that you shop with to embrace their body and buy what fits, not what number they want to fit into.

• Stop Putting Off Your Life—Don't wait to go to the beach until you feel like a VS model in a bathing suit. Don't avoid the dating scene until you think you are skinny enough. Don't wait to buy that adorable dress until you can fit into a different size. In other words, stop putting off your life because you feel ashamed of the way your body is now. Embrace who you are. Embrace how you look. Or just stop caring so much about it all (I know, I know, easier said than done). We waste so much energy chasing after the perfect body, convinced that it will make us happier and make our lives better that we deny ourselves the ability to CHOOSE happiness today.

ADSENSE HERE

Overcoming Perfectionism

"Perfectionism is a killer of the soul." —Dr. B, Founder of The Center for Change

I have come lightyears in overcoming my eating disorder but something I am still working at overcoming is perfectionism. Something that I have found helpful is to write down everyday at least one thing that I did good that day. Those who struggle with perfectionism often never give themselves credit for what they do because they never think it is enough. I have learned that as I consciously celebrate my good efforts I am more aware of the positive things I do instead of focusing on the negatives. Trying to focus on the positive in life, myself & others is a powerful antidote for perfectionism. It's uplifting, and encouraging to notice the good I do instead of constantly thinking I am not good enough. That, I think, is against the essence of the gospel. A talk I heard in church one time really explained perfectionism well. The speaker said that perfectionist constantly focus in on the gap between who they are and the perfect person think they should be. I had never identified the "gap" before that talk but now that I am aware of it I can consciously take my focus off of it and instead appreciate where I am at right now. The speaker than went on to say how the savior makes up for the gap. Perfect people don't need a savior. We will never be perfect in this life. Our best is enough, because we do have a savior and he makes all the difference. So for now I will place my hope and faith in Christ, celebrate my good efforts, and remember its a journey of progress not perfection.

Types of Perfectionism:
Physical: Think they must have a perfect face or figure to be desirable and appealing.

Achievement: Feel it would be detrimental to make a mistake, or fail, or to fall short of a personal goal in their career or studies.

Perceived: Believe that they have to impress people to be liked and respected. They are convinced that others will look down on them if they fail, look foolish, or make a mistake.

Emotional: Feel ashamed of negative and vulnerable feelings such as loneliness, depressions, anger, anxiety, or panic. They believe that others would not accept and love them if they knew how hey really feel inside. They may believe that they should always feel happy and in control of their emotions.

Self Esteem: believe they aren't sufficiently worthwhile. They feel inferior to people who are more intelligent, attractive, or successful.

Relationship: believe that people who care for each other should never fight or argue. They avoid conflicts in personal relationships, thinking they should always get along with everyone.

Romantic: Find it difficult to form lasting intimate relationships because other people are never quite good enough for them. They become preoccupied with the shortcomings of others. 

Entitlement: quite demanding and get extremely upset when other people do not measure up to their expectations. They may get excessively angry or frustrated if a train is late, if traffic is slow, or if others do not treat them with sufficient respect.

Obsessive-Compulsive: feel their house must always be immaculate and they spend excessive amounts of time cleaning, organizing, checking things, counting, or doing other rituals.

What to do about Perfectionism:  

1. Strive for excellence, not perfection.
2. Make a list of the advantages and disadvantages of trying to be perfect.
3. Increase your awareness of all-or-nothing or black and white thinking, try to intentionally live more in the gray.
4. Set strict time limits on each of your projects.
5. Set realistic and reachable goals.
6. Use feelings of anxiety and depression to ask yourself, "Have I set up unrealistic expectations for myself?"
7. Recognize that many positive things can only be learned by making mistakes. When you make a mistake instead of getting angry with yourself, ask yourself, "What can I learn from this?"
8. Don't hold others to a standard of perfectionism. Be more understanding, forgiving and loving towards others and you will start feeling that way towards yourself.
9. Learn how to deal with criticism. instead of viewing criticism as a personal attack and getting defensive acknowledge the mistake and assert your right to make mistakes. remind yourself is you stop making mistakes you stop learning and growing. Once you no longer buy into the fallacy that humans must be perfect to be worthwhile, you won't feel so angry or defensive when you make a mistake. Criticism will then seem like a natural thing from which to learn, rather then something to be avoided at all costs.
10. Be satisfied with a 95%, rather than a 100%, standard of accomplishment.
11. Recognize that perfection is not attainable.
12. Meet others halfway.
13. Don't expect to be a super parent. You can be a very very good parent but let yourself be human. Let your kids see that your human so they know its okay for them to be human. Don't hide your emotions from them. Remember there are no positive or negative emotions. Emotions are just information. Like when an infant cries because they need changed. Your emotions are just telling you you need something. Let your kids know its okay to feel every emotion.
14. Remember that you cannot please everyone; cannot be all things to all people. "I do not know the key to success, but the key to failure is to try to please everybody."

Positive Affirmations for perfectionists:

I will be patient with myself.
It is better to do something imperfectly than to do nothing flawlessly.
Sometimes we stumble to keep us from falling.
I am not being controlled by this situation. I have choices.
It's just a reality check, not a moral judgment.
I am worth being loved and my love is worth having.
Positive change doesn't occur when you're comfortable.
I am not my body. When I strip away my appearance and achievements do I like whats left?
You have so much to offer the world, and so much to give, don't hold back.
Life is not happening to you, you're creating it so create what you want, live with intent
You can never get enough of what you don't need to make you happy.
"Think the best of each other, especially those you say you love. Assume the good and doubt the bad" —Elder Holland.
Take care of this moment and my life will take care of itself.
Let people get to know ALL of me.
I am awesome right now. But I can be better. I want to become who I can be so I will strive to do so. But I am just fine right now and all along the way. I am imperfect and striving.
I will not deprive the world of myself.
We don't have to be perfect to be happy, we only have to be positive to be happy!
To escape criticism—do nothing, be nothing, say nothing.
Use what talents you possess; the woods would be very silent if no birds sang except those that snag best.
When you aim for perfection you discover it's a moving target.
There is little room for compassion, appreciation and connection with perfectionism.
Pat yourself on half your back.
"When I focus on all the things I'm not I miss out on all the things I already am." —Unknown 

-Meg

ADSENSE HERE

Taking Care of Our Bodies: Skinny vs. Health & Fad Diet Bogus

(Side Note: Hi! I'm Megan. I am SO excited to be one of the new BYU Women's Services Interns and get to post here on the blog every Wednesday. As I have worked so hard to recover from my own Eating Disorder my BIGGEST passion is now helping other women find freedom and see their true identity. I will be posting mainly on ED's (eating disorders), Body Image, Perfectionism, and anything else related. If you'd like to ask me a question, just comment and maybe you can determine the topic of my next post!)

If you've watched TV lately you've probably noticed the bombardment of diet commercials. With the new year rolling around the diet industry recognizes it as the opportune time to attack, and Utah county has proved to be a prime spot to do so. Did you know Utah county has more diet/plastic surgery/beauty billboards than any other county in Utah? As you drive from up north or from down south notice how the billboards change from alcohol and other ads to diet ads about trimming down this and fixing that. You know the ones I'm talking about, the ones that depict an illusion of a perfect blissful life with the loss of some fat cells. 

Did you also know that the diet industry really doesn't care about you or your health? Yep, they just want your money. They are a 60 billion dollar a year industry that thrives off of you feeling bad about yourself and selling you products that don't even work. If they worked they would put themselves right out of business. Isn't it a little ironic that the diet industry revenue has sky rocketed while at the same time so has the rate of obesity in America. 

For some it may be a good and worthy goal to "lose weight" this year. But are we sacrificing our health to do so? Are we giving in to the fad diet craze? In our innocent efforts to be healthy are we doing things that in actuality really aren't good for our bodies? Fact is, fad diets don't work long term and aren't truly "healthy." There really is no substitute for a healthy lifestyle of balanced nutrition and exercise. 

So lets take our focus off of weight and put it on taking care of our bodies. We have been told time & time again by general authorities how sacred our bodies are and how important it is for us to take care of them because how we treat them truly affects our spirits. President Boyd K. Packer refers to your body as the "Instrument of your Mind & the Foundation of your character." Our bodies are a gift from god and it is our individual responsibility to care for them. Not in the worldly way of flat abs and lean thighs but in the Lords way. When we care for our bodies our minds are more alert, we are more in tune with the spirit, we are better able to fulfill our responsibilities and give of ourselves, we feel better about ourselves, and Richard G. Scott tells us when we are taking care of our bodies we are more inclined to receive personal revelation. 

THAT is why it is so important to take care of our bodies. Not to be skinny. We are all built differently and that is beautiful. Instead of comparing ourselves to other women, lets strive to be our best selves. So this year lets cross out the goal to Get skinny and replace it with Take care of my body. And if you need to lose weight, you will. Probably much more successfully too. 

I want to share with you part of an amazing talk by Elder Holland. It is so so good!

"May I plead with you young women to please be more accepting of yourselves, including your body shape and style, with a little less longing to look like someone else. We are all different. Some are tall and some are short. Some are round, and some are thin. And almost everyone at some time or other wants to be something they are not! But as one adviser to teenage girls said: "You can't live your life worrying that the world is staring at you. When you let people's opinions make you self conscious you give away your power. . . .The key to feeling confident is to always listen to your inner self—the real you. And in the Kingdom of God the real you is more precious than rubies. (Proverbs 3:15)
 

Every Young Women is a child of destiny and every adult woman a powerful force for good. I mention adult women because, sisters, you are our greatest examples and resource for these young women. And if you are obsessing over being a size 2, you won't be very surprised when your daughter or the Mia Maid in your class does the same and makes herself physically ill trying to accomplish it. We should all be as fit as we can be—that's good Word of Wisdom doctrine. That means eating right and exercising and helping our bodies function at their optimum strength. We could probably all do better in that regard. But I speak here of optimum health; there is no universal optimum size.
 

Frankly, the world has been brutal with you in this regard. You are bombarded in movies, television, fashion magazines, and advertisements with the message that looks are everything! The pitch is "If your looks are good enough, your life will be glamorous and you will be happy and popular." That kind of pressure is immense in the teenage years, to say nothing of later womanhood. In too many cases too much is being done to the human body to meet just such a fictional (to say nothing of superficial) standard. In terms of preoccupation with self and fixation on the physical, this is more than social insanity, it is spiritually destructive, and it accounts for much of the unhappiness women face in the modern world. And if adults are preoccupied with appearance—tucking and nipping and implanting and remodeling everything that can be remodeled—those pressures and anxieties will certainly seep through to children. At some point the problem becomes what the Book of Mormon calls "vain imaginations" (1 Nephi 12:18) And in secular society both vanity and imagination run wild. One would truly need a great and spacious makeup kit to compete with beauty as portrayed in media all around us. Yet at the end of the day there would still be those "in the attitude of mocking and pointing fingers" as lehi saw. Because however much one tries in the world of glamour and fashion, it will never be glamorous enough.
 

For you to fully claim Heavenly Father's blessings and protection, we ask you to stay true to the standards of the gospel of Jesus Christ and not slavishly follow the whims of fads and fashions. I want you to be proud you are a woman. I want you to feel the reality of what that means, to know who you truly are. You are literally a spirit daughter of heavenly parents with a divine nature and an eternal destiny. That surpassing truth should be fixed deep in your soul and be fundamental to every decision you make as you grow into mature womanhood. There could never be a greater authentication of your dignity, your worth, your privileges, and your promise. Your Father in Heaven knows your name and knows your circumstances. He hears your prayers. He knows your hopes and dreams, including your fears and frustrations, And he knows what you can become through FAITH in him.
 

BE A WOMAN OF CHRIST. Cherish your esteemed place in the sight of god. He needs you. This church needs you. The world needs you. A woman's abiding trust in God and unfailing devotion to things of the spirit have always been an anchor when the wind and the waves of life were fiercest."

("To Mothers and Daughters" By Jeffery R. Holland was originally published as "To Young Women" in Ensign, November 2005)

MEG

ADSENSE HERE