Please, please, PLEASE watch this!
I love this video! It expressed the difference between empathy and sympathy in a much clearer way than I've seen it expressed anywhere else.
So how do you know empathy when you see it? The examples and explanations given in the video are spot-on in describing real empathy vs. its counterpart, sympathy, from a psychological perspective. We can also learn about empathy from a gospel perspective. Elder Lynn A. Mickelsen of the Seventy said, "Empathy is the natural outgrowth of charity." We read in Moroni 7:45 that charity "suffereth long, and is kind, and envieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in the truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things" (see also 1 Corinthians 13:1–13). Charity is also described in the scriptures as the "pure love of Christ" (Moroni 7:47). That's the best kind of love you can get—the pure kind.
Let's talk about empathy and relationships. Empathy is a key ingredient in any successful relationship, but especially in any relationship that is meant to last. As the awesome video above taught us, empathizing involves not only listening to or understanding someone else's feelings, but also sharing the experience of those feelings. Empathy can be a major protective factor against abuse in a relationship. Studies show that a lack of ability to feel empathy is linked to a greater likelihood of domestic violence,* child abuse,** and sexual offenses.*** Moral of the story: seek to develop empathy, but also seek relationships with people who are good at feeling and showing empathy. Relationships that are full of true empathy won't have room for things like abuse or degradation. Relationships that are lacking in empathy, on the other hand, may be at risk for becoming abusive.
Like any quality worth having in a relationship, empathy requires specific and consistent effort. Empathy in its most helpful form probably won't come one hundred percent naturally. In fact, our natural impulses sometimes tend to get in the way of empathetic actions. In speaking of empathy, Elder Marvin J. Ashton said, "One who really understands and practices empathy doesn’t solve another’s problems, doesn’t argue, doesn’t top his story, make accusations, or take away free agency. He merely helps the person build his self-reliance and self-image so he can try to find his own solutions."
Developing and showing empathy can be a challenge, but the pay-offs are big. Take the time to consciously think about how much empathy is present in your relationships, especially the most important ones. And please, take the time to recognize warning signs for abuse that may accompany a lack of empathy. If you're experiencing problems in a relationship, or you're wanting to build upon an already positive relationship, take advantage of the resources that are available through BYU WSR, the BYU Comprehensive Clinic, and the BYU Counseling and Career Center.
Article by Jessica Croft
**Perez-Albeniz, A. & de Paul, Joaquin. (2003). Dispositional empathy in high- and low-risk parents for child physical abuse. Child Abuse & Neglect 27(7), 769-780.
***Covell, C. N. & Scalora, M. J. (2002). Empathic deficits in sexual offenders: An integration of affective, social, and cognitive constructs. Aggression and Violent Behavior 7(3), 251-270.